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Exchanged Glory IV: A Time for Every Purpose
<page 75>I woke up distressed.
At this point, I need to backtrack in my story to the fall of 1998. The ability to see Jesus working in less than ideal situations didn’t come to me overnight. I learned it as I cried out to Him in situations that were beyond my ability to handle. I believe it will be helpful for me to describe some of the events that led to it.
I will rewind my story to the time when my family difficulties were escalating (Chapter Four of this book, “Losing the Fight”). I had little idea what the root issues were behind my smoking fetish. Anger and resentment against God festered in my heart. Though I was able to remain fairly calm on the outside, an inner storm threatened everything I held dear.
I had just started to listen for the subjective voice of God and didn’t know where it would lead me. I dreamed this dream.
I was an assistant coach at a basketball camp. My daughter Deborah was in the group of young people I coached. Her boyfriend was in another group that was coached by the head coach. Deborah made fifteen out of twenty shots in a drill. I got the idea that it would be good for me to work with the good shooters and for the head coach to work with the others. I suggested it, and the head coach agreed.
To identify the good shooters, I asked how many people had made fifteen to twenty shots. Deborah and her boyfriend were the only two who had. I then asked how many had made ten to fourteen shots. Everyone from the head coach’s group had made that many but no one from mine. I was surprised and thought there might be too many good shooters for me to work with, but I then realized it was the right number.
I did my best to interpret the dream. Being a coach was symbolic for sharing God’s word with people. The group of young people I was working with at the beginning was symbolic for the young people in our church. I was helping with the youth group at the time.
The dream told me that my ministry was going to change. For a time, I would basically only be ministering to one person from our youth group (Deborah) and one who wasn’t in it (my daughter’s boyfriend – from the head coach’s group). Then after a while, God (the head coach) would bring more people for me to serve (the other people from the head coach’s group).
I wasn’t sure if this interpretation was right, so I made my way forward cautiously. I continued to work with the youth group and waited to see what would happen.
In time, however, the difficulties in my family caused me to drop out of the youth group. It seemed like the best decision given the circumstances. A part of the basketball camp dream had been fulfilled. I was no longer ministering to the people symbolized by the first group I had coached.
<page 76>At about that time, I had a frightening dream about my daughter Deborah:
I was in the bathroom trying to urinate, but it wasn’t working. The door to the room was open, and a family member came by and looked in. I was embarrassed, so I yelled at them and they left. Then Deborah came by and looked also. I swore at her and kicked the door shut.
After this, there was a lot of blood coming from me. I tried to clean it up but couldn’t. I decided I needed to go to the doctor.
I woke up distressed.
When I interpreted this dream, it seemed that being in the bathroom trying unsuccessfully to urinate was a picture of me as I struggled with anger and resentment. When we urinate we remove impurities from our body. I was trying to remove impurities from my heart, but it wasn’t working.
This weakness was already causing problems in my family (I yelled at a family member). God was warning me that my weakness was about to explode at Deborah (I swore at her). Even worse, I would be closing off something important in our relationship (I kicked the door shut). This coming failure on my part would cause such great damage to me that I would have trouble healing (I was bleeding and couldn’t clean up; I needed a doctor).
The dream let me know that I was about to fall into serious trouble. I found it hard to believe that this was true, because I knew that Deborah was trying to follow Jesus. But I decided to heed the warning, and I began to pray. I wasn’t sure if I had the right interpretation or not, or if I could change what was coming, but I had to try.
A couple of weeks later I had another disturbing dream.
I was trying out for my Junior High School basketball team. I was an experienced player who was good enough to start on the varsity. One guy trying out for the team went to the corner of the gym and started smoking. I wanted the coach to tell him that he couldn't be on the team if he smoked, but I didn't say anything. The coach was in another part of the gym smoking. I thought at first that everyone was smoking cigars, but it was only cigarettes.
Then we started a running drill. When we did, I noticed my sneakers were no longer on. I ran around the gym looking for them and couldn’t find them. I was very upset with myself and thought about quitting the team, but I decided not to.
Once again, I woke up distressed.
The day before this dream, I had sincerely tried to do what was right and pray for people who I believed were trying to mislead my children. I wanted to love my enemies, but by the time I had finished trying to pray, I was picturing ways in which I could retaliate against them. Not much praying got done.
The dream was a warning that my inner turmoil was about to cause trouble with someone new (the guy in the dream). The setting was my Junior High School, which I interpreted to have something to do with adolescent development (kids in Junior High School are developing adolescents). This was an area in which I had some knowledge (I was an experienced player). <page 77>The problem was that I was going to overreact to someone who was doing something wrong (I wanted to tell the coach he couldn’t be on the team).
The Lord was letting me know that He was handling the guy’s sin (the coach was smoking – this is a strange part of the dream. I believe it is a picture of Jesus becoming sin for us – 2 Corinthians 5:21). Also, this wasn’t as serious of a sin as I thought (it was a cigarette rather than a cigar). It was more a matter of a lack of wisdom rather than a willful choice.
If I mishandled this situation, I would lose my ability to bring the gospel of peace for a time (lose my sneakers – feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace – Ephesians 6:15). I would be so upset about it that I would want to quit (thought about quitting the team).
A few days later my wife told me that she had found out some information about Deborah and her boyfriend. As she described what she knew, the dreams made sense. My daughter and her boyfriend weren’t using wisdom in their relationship and were, in our estimation, headed for trouble.
If God hadn’t warned me ahead of time, this would have no doubt sent me into a state of panic and anger. I would have felt abandoned in my fight to bring God’s goodness into our family and would have accused Deborah harshly (symbolized by swearing at her and kicking the door shut). In fact, even with all of the warnings in the dreams, I almost spoke to her too quickly. Fortunately, God had a friend ask her out when I was about to confront her, so I didn’t have the opportunity. I am glad I had prayed ahead of time.
The guy in the basketball tryout dream was Deborah’s boyfriend. If I had let loose on Deborah, I doubt I would have had the opportunity to talk to him (symbolized by not saying anything). The dream let me know that I should be gentle with him, but I should say something (when I didn’t speak in the dream, I lost my sneakers). My Coach, Jesus, wanted me to support His new recruit as he joined His team.
I let my wife know about the dreams. I told her that the situation wasn’t as bad as it looked to us, and we should pray and figure out what to do.
Since I didn’t trust my ability to control my anger, I decided not to speak face to face with either Deborah or her boyfriend. Instead, I wrote them a long letter in which I tried to direct them to the Lord and point out where I thought they were making mistakes. I shared from my own experience and made suggestions (… alright they were rules) about boundaries they should put in place to protect themselves.
I had someone review the letter, and I gave it to my daughter. When she read it, she said, “This is true.” She shared it with her boyfriend, and they worked it out together.
He was too upset to talk to me for about a month, and my daughter has told me several times that any other guy in the school would have run away and never come back, but eventually we spoke again. By God’s grace, everything worked for good. About two years after giving my daughter and her boyfriend the letter, the two of them thanked me for it. They were married after they graduated from college, and my son-in-law has told me several times how much the letter helped him.
Even as a teenager, Deborah’s boyfriend became an important part of our lives. He made my job as a parent easy. Teenagers in our town rarely had a party without drinking, but before he ever met me, he hated drinking. As a result, my daughter almost never went to parties. She is very <page 78>social and later confided in me that if it wasn’t for him she probably would have done some drinking. Fortunately, we never had to find out how that would have affected her.
He also helped other people. As the dream had said, he truly has been someone I have been glad to have on the Lord’s team with me. Thank God I didn’t chase him away.
Word about the letter reached others in the high school, and it didn’t go over well. A number of students considered me to be a scary parent. I was finding out more about the false god of permissive-love. In people’s minds, everyone had a right to their own version of truth. Parents were allowed to confront their own children on moral issues, but if they tried to confront someone else’s, they had violated an important boundary.
This all surprised me. I had spent so much time fleeing from the world that I was out of touch with what its people were thinking. To me, there was one truth – God’s truth – and we should all be teaching it to each other. I was simply sharing what I believed God had given me to help two young people. I know it was a little scary coming from a protective father, but I tried to be kind.
The effect of my breach of social etiquette was that it was going to be a long time before any young person in our town would want to listen to the guy who had handed out “The Letter.” As the basketball camp dream had told me, over the next few years my ministry was mostly limited to Deborah and her boyfriend.
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