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Spirit-Led Identity Change
<page 22>I will spend this chapter and the next looking at a concept that has been difficult for me to understand. It is the idea of living by our own strength rather than God’s. My confusion has been caused by the sorts of experiences I have already shared in this book. For me, overcoming sin took a great deal of work, and it often felt like I was living out of my own strength. This forced me to rethink what I believe about the subject.
Some who have read the previous two chapters might conclude that they tell the story of me first trying to live by my own strength and then learning to live by God’s. After all, when I fought to walk in purity, I fell to sin. When I gave up on at least a part of that fight, I was transformed. Trying failed; giving up succeeded. It looked like I switched from living by my own strength to God’s; what could be simpler?
Yet sometimes the simple explanation doesn’t tell the whole story. Here are some complicating details:
Much of what I did during my first eight years of failure set the stage for the freedom I later found. Was it my strength that enabled me to spend eight years seeking Jesus, learning His word, and establishing a relationship with both Him and His people?
The difference between freedom and slavery wasn’t in how hard I worked. When I finally overcame sin, I succeeded, in part because I worked both harder and smarter. Was I returning to living by my own strength as I did this, or had I been fighting the good fight all along?
Even when I allowed myself to sin during my last semester of college, I kept myself from more dangerous sins, and this involved effort. Was I living by my own strength as I did that?
Now that I am older, I am able to walk through the steps I outlined in the previous chapter without sinning in my actions. I do this by controlling my outward living as I work through the insanity of my emotions. When I put in the effort to do this, am I living by my own strength?
My conclusion after considering all of this is that it is largely unfruitful to try to figure out if I am living by my own strength. It is much more fruitful to seek to understand what Jesus is currently doing in my life and to work with Him. As I gain the wisdom I need to cooperate with Him, His strength is released in my efforts.
My life has had some seemingly impossible mountains to climb. I had to set out in faith to face each impossibility, do whatever was required, and trust Jesus to bring me through to the other side. It often felt as if I wasn’t making progress, and I could have easily concluded that this was because I was living by my own strength. Yet when all was said and done, I instead concluded that God had been strengthening me the entire way. What felt like my own strength was often just me hanging on in faith as He taught me His wisdom through a long battle.
So, how should we define trying to live by our own strength? Is it even a valid concept for a Christian to talk about? In order to explore this subject, I will return to The Spiritual Man by Watchman Nee. He writes in great detail about living by our own strength. I disagree with <page 23>much of what he says, but I appreciate that he spelled out his thoughts in a series of books so people can examine them. His teaching is close enough to what I once believed that I can use it as a starting point to share what I now believe.
First, Watchman Nee points out that the Bible teaches that we are made up of a spirit, soul, and body:
Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. (emphasis added)
Our body is the physical part of our being; our soul is our mind, will, and emotions; and our spirit is the part of us that is joined with the Holy Spirit when we are saved. We become born of the Spirit and are made alive through our union with Him.
Jesus answered and said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” …”Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.”
But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
Most of what I have read or listened to on the subject of spirit, soul, and body agrees with the above basics. What is less clear is whether it is important to be able to look at our inner life and say with any certainty “that was my spirit” versus “that was my soul.” Some believe that being able to separate the two is essential to spiritual living; others treat spirit and soul as if they are essentially indistinguishable.
Watchman Nee taught that it is important to separate our spirit from our soul. In his view, to live out of our soul is to live by our own strength and to live out of our spirit is to live by God’s strength.
I fall into the “essentially indistinguishable” camp. I do not believe there is great practical value in trying to separate spirit from soul, and at most times I have found it impossible to do so. My spirit and soul tend to work together, and I have found any attempts to pull them apart to be largely fruitless.
Here is a section of The Spiritual Man where Watchman Nee talks about our spirt and soul. I find some of his statements extremely helpful and others confusing:
The senses and functions of the spirit can be seen from the following verses:
”The spirit is willing”
(Matt. 26:41).
”Jesus, knowing fully in His spirit”
(Mark 2:8).
<page 24>”He groaned deeply in His spirit”
(Mark 8:12).
”My spirit has exulted in God my Savior”
(Luke 1:47).
”The true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truthfulness”
(John 4:23).
”He...was moved with indignation in His spirit”
(John 11:33).
”When Jesus had said these things, He became troubled in His spirit”
(John 13:21).
”His spirit was provoked within him as he beheld that the city was full of idols”
(Acts 17:16).
”This man was instructed in the way of the Lord, and being fervent in spirit”
(Acts 18:25).
”Paul purposed in his spirit”
(Acts 19:21).
”I am going bound in the spirit to Jerusalem”
(Acts 20:22).
”Burning in spirit”
(Rom. 12:11).
”For who among men knows the things of man, except the spirit of man which is in him?”
(1 Cor. 2:11).
”I will sing with the spirit”
(1 Cor. 14:15).
”If you bless with the spirit”
(1 Cor. 14:16).
”I had no rest in my spirit”
(2 Cor. 2:13).
”Having the same spirit of faith”
(2 Cor. 4:13).
”A spirit of wisdom and revelation”
(Eph. 1:17).
”Your love in the Spirit”
(Col. 1:8).
Now we can see how keen the sense of man’s spirit is and how numerous its functions are. The Bible does not say man’s heart senses and functions in this way, but his spirit does sense or function in this way. We must read the above verses very carefully to realize that the human spirit possesses all these functions. After thoroughly reading them, we will see that the functions and senses of the human spirit are as inclusive as those of the soul. Whether it is thoughts, decisions, or feelings, as long as it is something that the soul has, the spirit has it also. This shows us how important it is to learn to distinguish the spiritual from the soulish. As a believer <page 25>passes through the deep work of the cross and Holy Spirit, he gradually becomes experienced and knows what is of the soul and what is of the spirit.[14]
I am grateful that Watchman Nee laid out so many scriptures about our spirit and pointed out that they describe the same functions as our soul – thoughts, decisions, and feelings. I find that insight to be extremely helpful.
Right after that, however, he says we must become “experienced to know what is of the soul and what is of the spirit.” He means by this that because the spirit and soul are so similar, it is important to have “a deep work of the cross and the Holy Spirit” that helps us to tell the difference between the two. If we don’t, we will end up being “soulish” rather than “spiritual.” To be “soulish” is to live by our own strength; to be “spiritual” is to live by God’s.
I don’t believe the Bible teaches this approach, and based on my experience all of the “deep works of the cross and the Holy Spirit” in my life have convinced me that there is little if any value in being able to tell the difference between my spirit and my soul. As best I can tell, the Holy Spirit works in both together. And to be honest, I have found it dangerous to try to separate the one from the other. It tends to lead to unhealthy introspection.
In Watchman Nee’s writings, he portrays Christians as having a wonderful spirit that has been made alive by the Spirit of God, but we also have a soul that is full of natural human tendencies that block our spirit. Our soul causes us to focus on human answers, which are not answers at all. Our spirit causes us to focus on God’s answers.
Therefore, according to Watchman Nee, our job is to submit our soul to our spirit so we can function as God intended us to. He bases a good deal of this belief on the following verse:
For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
In Watchman Nee’s view, the above verse teaches that the division of soul and spirit is a key to Christian living. It is what allows us to live by God’s strength rather than our own. It allows us to submit our soul to our spirit.
But does the phrase “the division of soul and spirit” mean that discerning the difference between our soul and spirit is a key to spiritual life? If it does, then why isn’t “the division of …joints and marrow” a key also? (This verse says that the word of God does both.)
I believe there is a better way to interpret Hebrews 4:12. It is to see the entire phrase “the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow” to be a metaphorical way of saying what the end of the verse spells out clearly: that God’s word will be a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
<page 26>More specifically, this verse uses the image of a priest cutting into a sacrifice, dividing joints and marrow, and whatever else needs to be divided as a picture of God exposing the details of our inner mindset and motivations (our thoughts and intents) so we can repent from our sins.
And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.
My conclusion is that Hebrews 4:12-13 is about discerning the nature of life, not about separating parts of our being. Some say as much when they describe the division of soul and spirit like this: “There are activities that feed our soul which don’t feed our spirit. Though music, book reading, or even preaching may make us feel wonderful, they do not necessarily benefit our spirit. We need to feed our spirit.” I agree with this statement, but I don’t think it has anything to do with our soul and spirit being divided. Instead, it has to do with discernment of what is spiritually valuable and what isn’t – we are separating ideas and experiences, not parts of our being. The word of God helps us to discern the thoughts and intents of the heart.
I realize that many may feel I am splitting hairs. Is it really important to squabble over these distinctions? In terms of practical living, I know that many people will not look at Watchman Nee’s teaching in much detail, and for them, an emphasis on separating spirit and soul simply makes them aware that the Holy Spirit is working. They realize that not everything they desire is from God, and they associate what is from God with their spirit and what isn’t with their soul.
I, however, am far too analytical for that. I can see that Watchman Nee teaches an actual separation, so I look for a division between two parts of my being, not a vague sense that my inner life may follow the Holy Spirit or it may follow my flesh.
It has also not been my experience that I have a healthy spirit that needs to be released from an unhealthy soul. Instead, my spirit is often just as insane as the rest of me. My entire being gets lost together.
As someone who seems to have a tendency toward Borderline Personality Disorder, I have sometimes said, “Most people take sanity for granted; they don’t know what it is like to need to fight for it.” Before I knew Jesus, I was a self-punisher and a sex addict. I was emotionally unstable and confused. Even after I became a Christian, when I looked inside myself, I often found a madman who might drag me to a psyche ward.
The answer to that, by God’s grace, has been to face the insanity and gain the wisdom to keep my heart with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23). The word of God taught me to discern the thoughts and intents of my heart.
I had to train my soul and spirit together to manage my inner life. In the process, I didn’t find it helpful to look for a division between the two; instead, I needed to let the word of God help both to see the division between truth and error, righteousness and sin, obedience and disobedience, reality and fantasy.
For me to not prioritize learning how to think, act, and feel – simply because these activities might be coming from my soul rather than my spirit – was to invite disaster. I desperately needed to understand life, and viewing my soul as a sort of distraction from the pure life of my spirit downplayed the sort of diligence I needed.
<page 27>I deeply respect Watchman Nee. His devotion to Jesus was incredible. He suffered imprisonment for the Lord during much of his life. Nevertheless, I see his views on spirit and soul as largely a matter of him adopting a theology that worked for people like Him but not for people like me. He was a brilliant man who was competent in many fields; if he hadn’t surrendered to Jesus, he probably would have been tremendously successful in academics, business, or politics. He had incredible strength in his soul.
I believe he was able to be adopt his doctrines on spirit and soul because his soul was already basically healthy. He could downplay its importance without suffering great loss …and doing so probably motivated him to not rely on his natural talents – which was great. People with strong gifts are often tempted to trust their own abilities rather than the Lord, so it was important for him to humble himself (as we all should). I admire him for not doing so, but I find the theology that guided him to be a distraction from a workable spiritual life.
Unlike a naturally competent person, my soul did not give me a convincing temptation for self-reliance – it was instead a plague that needed to be healed. I am the “not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble” of 1 Corinthians 1:26. In order to function in life – I needed Jesus to develop wisdom in my soul. This happened as I actively trained my mind, will, and emotions by God’s grace.
My son, if you receive my words,
And treasure my commands within you,
So that you incline your ear to wisdom,
And apply your heart to understanding;
Yes, if you cry out for discernment,
And lift up your voice for understanding,
If you seek her as silver,
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will understand the fear of the LORD,
And find the knowledge of God.
For the LORD gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding;
In the introduction to this book, I mentioned my friend Nancy. As best I can tell, she spent her life seeking spiritual experiences that she hoped would cause her spirit to rise up and free her from the weaknesses and damage in her soul. She worshipped, sensed the Holy Spirit, and focused on feeling loved by God. I doubt she had read much Watchman Nee, but she acted as if tapping into her spirit would move her past the sins of her soul.
There is so much right in her approach that I hate to criticize it. She depended on Jesus. She humbled herself. She spent time with Him. All of this was a necessary starting point – but it never translated into the practical wisdom she needed to overcome in her areas of weakness, and that cost her.
<page 28>Though I started my Christian life with a similar view, by God’s grace I ended up moving to a different path. I found through experience that I had little good choice but to devote significant effort to a set of skills that translated spirituality into practice.
It wasn’t easy. I had to learn to balance obviously prophetic experiences with education and training. I had to walk in practical obedience while slowly discerning what was happening inside of me. I had to abandon an overly simplistic approach to living by God’s strength. But through it all, Jesus transformed me by a Spirit-led identity change.
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