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Spirit-Led Identity Change
I recently read The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self by Carl Trueman.[34] The book examines the history of the way western societies have thought about identity, and the author comes to the conclusion that our current view is far more sexualized than in previous ages. We think of sex not as something we do, but someone we are (straight, gay, or whatever someone’s particular flavor may be).
As a person who has struggled with a strong sense of misled sexual identity, I can very much relate to the desire to define myself in this way. As a young man, I felt as if I had little choice but to let this part of me chart the course for my entire life …but Jesus gave me a different future.
Our culture is currently involved in a war over sexual identity issues. Those who see sexuality closely tied to identity claim that Christians are hateful for speaking standards which would deny someone their deep feelings. They see the Bible’s restrictions as archaic and cruel – out of date with what we now know about human nature. We who believe the Bible, on the other hand, feel it would be unloving and deceitful for us to not proclaim God’s design for sexuality. We believe it is best for everyone.
For many years, I chose to largely avoid this culture war. I, of course, had plenty to say about it, but my particular flavor of sexuality was too strange for me to engage in any kind of public conversation. I knew that anyone who wanted to dismiss me could simply say, “Your story doesn’t count; you are too weird.”
I have become a bit more vocal in recent years, because I believe my experience is more relevant than others might think. My sexual identity felt like an unchangeable expression of who I was – yet God changed me. This adds weight to the idea that no matter how our sexuality may have formed, our future does not depend on following it.
Sexuality can be surprisingly variable and flexible. If we are honest, we can observe that people are capable of developing all sorts of unusual attractions. Many different developmental influences can contribute to this. The question then becomes, “Can we do anything to redirect our sexuality after is has been misdirected?”
What I have found is that my sexuality was reshaped as I learned to live according to the Spirit and power of God (1 Corinthians 2:4-5). As I developed a relationship with Jesus Christ, it was transformed (along with the rest of me). It certainly wasn’t a quick or easy process, and I will never reach perfection in this life, but something powerful has happened – powerful enough to make me want to share what I have learned with others.
I understand the temptation to look at the strength of a person’s current sexuality and conclude that it is all they can be. For more than three decades of my life, my experience gave me evidence that this was the case. My “orientation” (or whatever you want to call it) felt unchangeable. The Bible’s promise of a transformed life seemed to be false.
Yet I stayed with Jesus and trusted Him to show me what I was missing – and He did. Though I didn’t wake up one day to discover that I no longer felt like I previously had, I was able to discover a path along which my feelings were gradually rearranged. I found the ability to face the darkest chambers of my heart and to see God’s purpose for them. His involvement helped me to navigate a minefield of confusion as I made my way through the difficulties.
I found in the Bible a view of life that made sense of my problems. The doctrine of sin explained what had gone wrong. An understanding of what God created sex to be explained why my desires felt both strong and beautiful in spite of their misled leanings.
The Bible also gave me a vision for what I could become. The truths about the leading and power of the Holy Spirit gave me a path into a better future. The priesthood of Jesus, who forgave my sins and embraced me as a brother and a son (Hebrews 2:11, 13-14, 17), gave me a place of security in which it was safe to examine my brokenness. A relationship with Him carried me through the difficulty.
By contrast, the culture around me gave me little hope. It lacked the wisdom and power I needed. In fact, it was in the process of surrendering to a mindset that would have made me a slave to my most tragic mistakes. It told me that my only road to happiness was to accept confusion, embrace it as if it were the answer, and learn to live with it.
If I had bought into that lie, I believe it would have destroyed me. Trying to “be me” would have undermined every worthwhile part of my life. It likely would have taken away my relationship with God, my family, and my career – along with my ability to serve others, and perhaps even my will to live. Then it would have encouraged me to blame others for my problems.
Having escaped from that, it is difficult for me to say nothing. I could play it safe and hide my story, but I care too much to not at least be honest.
We are telling people that the only path to happiness is to follow some of their worst impulses. We dress it all up with a kind of “follow your dreams” flourish, but if the end result is harmful, it doesn’t matter how well we dress it up. People will still be hurt.
I am grateful that I met the true God – the one who told me that denying reality in order to “be me” was a dead end. His word told me that I could be wrong at the core of my being and not even know it …and, surprisingly, that gave me hope. It set me free from “my truth” (which was actually a deception) so I could explore His truth (which offered me something far better). His truth gave me the promise that as I cooperated with His Spirit, He would write His laws on my mind and heart, making truth internal so I could live it (Hebrews 8:10-12).
During the more than fifty years since I surrendered to Jesus, I have loved a wife, raised a family, worked a career, shared eternal treasures with others, and participated in my community. Today’s message of sexual identity would have robbed me of much of this. I would have sacrificed something priceless …all for a set of feelings that sprang out of a childhood trauma. A few unfortunate events and choices in my youth would have doomed me to a lifetime of tragic mistakes!
Instead, I have experienced the reality of knowing Jesus and serving others. What a waste my life would have been if I had listened to today’s dogma about being true to myself. As I have denied myself, I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8). I have proved the good and acceptable and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2).
Based on both the word of God (which I trust) and my experience (which I only trust when it lines up with the word of God) – I am convinced that today’s dogma is a cruel lie. May God convince us of a better future.
I pray this book will help you to experience God’s future for you. I pray that you will taste the wonder of having Him meet you where you are and move you forward. There is nothing like knowing Him. May you grow to know Him more and more!
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