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Spirit-Led Identity Change
It is helpful to ask why we have a sense of identity. What good does it serve if it can go astray into problems like rejection? Perhaps if we can define God’s good design for this part of our being, we can steer it in healthy directions rather than into destructive ones.
I believe our sense of identity helps protect us from those who would try to influence us to live in a way that is against God’s call on our lives. The world is full of pressures to become people we should not be, and our sense of identity is a built-in mechanism, which when healthy, allows us to easily dismiss misleading pressures.
For example, it allows us to listen to a commercial on TV and say, “That sounds attractive, but it isn’t for me.” We may have other uses for our time. We may have other places to invest our money. For whatever reason, the advertisement doesn’t fit into the direction for our lives, so its message bounces off our hearts.
In a similar way, if someone insults us or accuses us falsely, a healthy sense of identity allows us to either graciously ignore their words or to mount an appropriate defense. We know who we are – so we aren’t distracted by hurtful words that tell us we are someone different. Our identity is secure in Jesus, which gives us a place of safety from which we can respond with truth.
Rejection, which I described in the previous chapter, hijacks this mechanism and uses it to overreact to the influences that reach us. Rather than wisely considering what we hear, we quickly shut out, shout down, or accept input before we discern what we should do with it. We fail to develop the insight that would help us to see how it should fit (or not fit) into our lives.
Let’s consider this from the perspective of the unique calling and ministry God has given to each of us. A healthy sense of identity strengthens us to organize our lives around the gifts we have received from Him (Romans 12:3-8). In my case, He has given me gifts in teaching, in writing, and in other areas, and I order my life in a way that lets me use those abilities. When someone tells me I should be different, I consider their words, but I weigh them in the light of everything I believe He has taught me. I have experimented in His presence for decades, and I have a pretty good idea about what He has given me to do. My sense of identity protects me from wasting my time on a thousand tasks I am not designed to accomplish.
At the same time, however, I also need to recognize that my sense of identity can easily be misled. I have often found myself called to fulfill responsibilities that didn’t seem to match my view of myself. For example, for much of my life a significant part of my sense of identity told me I should be in full time ministry, yet as best I can tell, God has never led me in that direction. Instead, He repeatedly led me to work in my business career.
Since the Bible told me to provide for my family (1 Timothy 5:8), it seemed good to continue in what He was using to do that rather than demand He take me in a direction that felt more important to me. As I tested all things, trying to hold fast to what was good (1 Thessalonians 5:21), I concluded I should continue in what God was blessing rather than pursue what might only be a dream.
My point is that with as powerful and valuable as a sense of identity can be, it can also be a problem if we fail to submit it to God. We can say “This is who I am, so God will have to fit in with me rather than me with Him.”
Where can this lead? If we go far enough, a sense of identity can become a self-justifying drive that leads us to do what is right in our own eyes. We demand that God act according to our vision rather than us submitting our vision to Him.
In our relationships with others, a misled sense of identity can lead us to try to make everyone fit in with us rather than being flexible enough to discern how we should fit in with them.
Pride is always a danger for us, and a good deal of its lure is found in the way it can combine with our sense of identity. It seductively tells us that what we feel is so important that we are right to set our own direction. We feel justified in ignoring input from God and others, because we know what is right for us.
We need to humbly submit our sense of identity to God. He helps us to see what a poor master it can be. It is a gift from Him, but if it teams up with our flesh, it is capable of harming everyone.
In order to walk in God’s plan, we need to humbly submit every piece of our heart to Him. All that He created is good, but even extremely good gifts can fall prey to sin. Jesus gave a surprising example of this when he spoke about the danger brought by our love for our families, which is obviously good. He made it clear we must submit even this to God.
If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.
How should we reconcile this verse with other verses that call for us to love people? Obviously, Jesus isn’t calling us to the sort of hate that would lead us to act badly toward others. We are to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:44) – how much more our father, mother, wife, children, brother, or sister.
What Jesus is calling for is that we be willing to obey Him even if our actions will be perceived as hateful by others. We should obey Him, even when doing so will cause pain to our father, mother, wife, children, brother, or sister. For example, a father and mother might perceive a son’s decision to follow Jesus as a hateful rejection of all they have raised him to be, but he must follow Jesus anyway.
Making this sort of decision will cause our hearts to be conflicted. One part of us will cry out to please the people we love; another part will tell us to follow the Lord whose wisdom can’t be questioned. The struggle can be so great that Jesus compares it to bearing a cross.
There are few, if any, images He could have picked that would have been more horrifying to His first century audience. Crucifixion was a cruel, public, and painfully lingering way to die. We can be sure that many who saw it were traumatized by the experience. Imagine seeing a family member or friend suspended in incredible pain, groaning and gasping for breath for hours – or even days – as the life slowly drains from them. Crucifixion was a crime against all that is decent.
Why then would Jesus use it as a symbol for the Christian life? I believe He did so because the image of crucifixion impresses on us the difficulty of denying “who we feel we are.” It is not an easy task for us.
This shows the importance of submitting even obviously good parts of our hearts, to God. If the One who created and loves us requires us to walk through a struggle symbolized by a crucifixion, we can be sure He has a good reason for it.
He calls for us to embrace the pain, because if we place our feelings above truth, we will bring even worse pain into the world. We are left with no good choice but to walk through the difficult task of working through issues of “who we are,” because to not do so enslaves us to a version of ourselves that suppresses the truth (Romans 1:18). It is worth the sacrifice to be a vessel of God’s light rather than sin’s darkness.
Nevertheless, there are two sides to what I have written. Though a sense of identity can be misled, it can also be extremely helpful. It is a powerful gift that can be used for good or evil. We need to be willing to go through the often-painful process of denying ourselves so it can become an instrument for God’s glory. It is a cross to bear, but it is worth the pain.
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