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Exchanged Glory III: Wise as Serpents
Sex done God’s way is a well of life. It blesses the whole society. When it’s done the wrong way, it drains everyone. We fall short of our potential, weaken our ability to receive what God offers, and are robbed by unexpected costs and missed opportunities.
The financial punishment of the law impressed on a young man the message that fulfilling his sexual desires would involve a lifetime of service. If he was willing to control himself and wait till marriage, that service would benefit his family. He could negotiate a dowry with a young woman’s father, who would eventually pass the money to his daughter and grandchildren.
The man would be blessed as he watched his gift go to the people he loved most. As a husband, his life would be dedicated to serving them, but it would be a labor of love. His heart could rejoice in the wife of his youth and be enraptured with her (Proverbs 5:18-19). In ancient Israel, married sex was expensive – but it was worth the price of admission.
On the other hand, if he chose to indulge himself before marriage, he would place himself in a position where he might lose both the dowry and the girl. Her father could charge him a large price, take the money, and leave the man with nothing. He might have to dedicate years of his life to recovering from his foolishness.
Either way, he knew that sex was a commitment with spiritual, emotional, and economic consequences. His culture taught him from the day he felt his first hormonal urge that satisfying that urge would take work. It was just a question of who would benefit from that work, his family or someone else’s.
Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
A young man could let his fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of his youth, or his fountain could be dispersed abroad. When his fountain was blessed, it not only gave joy to his own heart but also overflowed to his wife, his children, and everyone around him. A healthy family enriched the entire community.
When it was dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, it robbed him of the goodness God wanted to give him. The blessings that should have been his were given to those who received his wealth. He paid a heavy price to minimize the damage that his immorality could cause to society.
Just laws attempt to place suffering on the person who has committed the crime rather than everyone else. This is what the dowry penalty was designed to do. It was God’s way of avoiding the sorts of expenses that our modern societies pay for immorality.
I say this to help us understand both God’s view of sexuality and how our failures affect our culture. My hope is that as we grow to understand the principles in Proverbs 5, we can apply them to our lives. Even without the financial penalties of the law, there are still benefits to saving sex for marriage. Our fountain is still blessed or dispersed abroad based on our choices.
Becoming a good husband and father (or wife and mother) changes us for the better. It forces us to learn unselfishness, hard work, and dedication. We have to mature spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. Wisdom enters our hearts as we face the many challenges that we meet along the way, and by God’s grace we grow up more than we ever imagined possible. In many ways, we drink waters from our own cistern and running water from our own well.
Our children are great beneficiaries. They tend to flourish under our protection and guidance. We give them a spiritual atmosphere, understanding, and a financial advantage that enhances their ability to become productive, healthy, happy people. Both internal and external treasures come to them through the streams of water that flow from the union of their parents.
Sex done God’s way is a well of life. It blesses the whole society. When it is done the wrong way, it drains everyone. We fall short of our potential, weaken our ability to receive what God offers, and are robbed by unexpected costs and missed opportunities.
My primary goal in writing this book is not to try to change our laws. I am not qualified to make recommendations for civil laws. I do, however, wonder what would happen if we made laws that in some way resembled the dowry penalty. We are currently paying billions for sex outside of marriage.[63] Could we minimize that?
First, I believe such laws would cause parents to react against entertainment that encouraged immorality. The damage from sexual sin would be more immediate and obvious, so culture in general, and parents in particular, would move to protect children. The demand for erotic content in movies, advertising, and music would shrink. People would be hesitant to say, “Sex sells,” because sex would be too expensive.
As we meditate on God’s Law, He gives us wisdom. He helps us to understand how the world works. In our culture of divorces, teenage pregnancies, abortions, sexually transmitted diseases … the price tag for immoral sex is spread to many. Meanwhile, the problem gets worse. The offenders are not confronted with the damage they do, so they aren’t motivated to search for answers.
Perhaps in a future version of society, God will give us the wisdom for something better. Punishments by themselves certainly aren’t enough to change a person – we need the grace of God and the life transforming work of the Holy Spirit for that – but punishments have a place. They help point people toward the need for change. By contrast, a culture that allows erotic hormones to spill into sin supports the myth that our sexuality is only for our pleasure. It encourages our “one flesh chemistry” to shape us along the lines of fairytales that suppress the truth about our responsibility.
Interestingly, in recent years laws in the United States have changed to match the Bible. If a young woman becomes pregnant and keeps her child, the young man who got her pregnant can be held financially responsible for that child. We have put these laws in place because of the economic realities of unwed motherhood. It’s just too expensive to pay for it through the tax system. We have been forced to implement a system that resembles what we find in the Bible.
In this chapter and the previous one, I have been hard on men. If I have gotten my point across well, some of you may be in shock. Hopefully, you are realizing the damage done by immoral sex, and if you have participated in it and haven’t yet repented, you are doing so now.
You shouldn’t be harsh with yourself, however. Remember that only governments have a right to bear the sword, and you shouldn’t inflict any punishment on yourself. Repent sincerely, but be encouraged away from self-reproach.
God is full of mercy. We can be eternally OK by the blood of Jesus.[64] Receive His forgiveness and move on to joy.
Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones You have broken may rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. …Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
(Psalm 51:8-9; 12)
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