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Exchanged Glory II: The OK Stronghold
I was often tempted to let go and say, “God, You don’t seem to be serious about this. When You are ready to really help let me know, and then we can talk about what I should do. Until then, I’m going to continue to sin and wait for more grace.”
There is a story in which a man stood on the roof of his house during a flood. The raging tide raced past him, carrying the broken debris of his town. Slowly, the waters climbed his roof. Shingle by shingle his place of safety disappeared.
In desperation he cried out to God, “Please save me!” A helicopter came, but he sent it away saying, “I’m trusting God.” Two boats came also, but he told them the same thing. Finally, his house crumbled beneath him, and the man was swept away to his death.
In heaven he asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” God answered, “I sent you a helicopter and two boats. What else did you want?”
If I were to rewrite that story to describe my Christian life, it would go like this: I started in the water, crying out for God to save me. Instead of a helicopter or a boat, a log floated by and I grabbed it.
It seemed to be just barely enough to keep me from drowning, so I complained to God and asked why He hadn’t sent me a nice boat. The answer I heard was that I should trust Him. This represents my “tightrope over hell” stage.[37]
In time, the currents carried me to turbulent waters. The log was no longer enough, so I cried to God again. I saw another log and with great effort swam to it, tied it to the first, and survived. This second log represents the time I have been describing in this book. I was still disappointed that God hadn’t given me a boat, but two logs were better than one.
Over time He sent me more logs, along with canvas, metal, ropes, and tools. I worked with them, shaping and reshaping my growing raft. The Lord taught me slowly through experience. After many years, I raised my sail, watched the wind catch it, and took off through the rough water.
God had given me a boat!
I am writing from the boat. Many of the insights I have been sharing came to me after years of learning. When I first became aware of the OK stronghold, I didn’t know half of what I have written in this book, and what I did know was vague and unclear. It is hard to communicate the uncertainty I felt as I held onto those first few logs. Many times, I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was right.
I stepped out in hesitant faith. Often it seemed like a best guess followed by a daily grind. I couldn’t believe the resistance my Parent and Child put up as my Adult tried to direct them. The demons that had held me for years weren’t eager to loosen their grip. But fortunately, I was so tired of my confusion that grueling change was a welcome alternative. Progress made the pain worthwhile.
I am kind of amazed at how well it all turned out. I was in a situation where I was messing up on my job, heading in a direction that no one else I knew had ever taken, and reading secular books. I had more than enough reason to doubt what I was doing.
At the time, however, putting in place the OK Busters seemed to be the next step God was giving me. All I could do was to humbly and cautiously walk in faith. I tried to be honest and submissive with the leaders in my church, and I looked for God to correct me if I made a wrong turn. Then I dedicated myself to working with the upward call that I thought Jesus was forming in my heart.
In Genesis 12, God told Abraham to leave his home country without knowing where he was going. We all have to do the same as we follow Jesus. At some times we are confident of the next step, and at others we are just trying to survive. On some days we feel like we know what we are doing; on others we are just taking our best shot. It is a journey, and God helps us to figure it out as we go.
Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind.
When a man climbs a ladder, he steps up one rung at a time. Each new level allows him to ascend to the next. He can’t reach the upper rungs until he has taken advantage of the lower ones.
Here is a key to growing in God’s upward call: as we learn each new lesson we must make it a part of our lives. We must treat it as one of those rungs on the ladder that we step on before climbing to the next.
Paul said, “to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule.” Hang onto each truth, and don’t turn back from it. Using the analogy from the start of this chapter, tie each new log to the ones you already have.
This wasn’t easy for me. I was often tempted to let go and say, “God, You don’t seem to be serious about this. You’re not giving me the kind of powerful support I need. When You are ready to really help, let me know, and then we can talk about what I should do. Until then, I’m going to continue to sin and wait for more grace. I’m tired of just surviving.”
If I had done that, I don’t think I would have ever found freedom. I would have missed the gifts that God was giving me at each step along the way.
God always makes a way to escape from sin. He sends a log.
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (emphasis added)
For the first eight years of my Christian life, I missed God’s escape routes from addictive sins. Then when I started to walk in them, they were often so painful and different from what I expected that I wanted to demand others. Fortunately, I instead chose to hold on and learn.
When God showed me how to stop my destructive behavior by walking a tightrope over hell, He was teaching me about humility and dependence on Him. It was a degree that I had already attained and also a classroom in which He tore down my pride and carelessness.
I didn’t see right away what I was learning. I was too distracted by the feeling that God was giving me a woefully inadequate amount of help. I didn’t understand that I was getting to know Him as the One who makes the impossible possible. He was purifying His precious gift of faith in me.
I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine.
(1 Peter 1:6-7, The Message)
When I started to break the OK Stronghold, I was disappointed again. Why hadn’t God given me a more powerful deliverance? Reason and willpower seemed stifling, mundane, and earthly.
Looking back, I appreciate the mental strength and discipline He was building in me. I was getting to know Jesus as my sanity. His mind was slowly invading mine and clearing away the confusion. What could compare with the wisdom and understanding He was teaching me?
You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madame Insight. She's worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her.
(Proverbs 3:13-15, The Message)
God knows what escape routes we need, and each is a part of our upward call. We may dislike them, but we need to embrace and learn from them. They are carefully chosen for our good.
Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I've warned you of them many times; sadly, I'm having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ's Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites.
(Philippians 3:17-19, The Message)
The scary thing about not running the same course that Paul has described is that we can find ourselves on a dead-end street.
The first Christian I met at college was a young man who stayed in the dorm room next to mine. He encouraged and taught me at one of the lowest points of my life.
I remember one time when I was about to write something stupid to the girl I was dating (who is now my wife). He talked sense to me until I settled down and kept my peace. Only God knows what trouble this friend saved me from. He won my heart with many similar wise talks and good times together and became like an older brother to me.
Over the years, I watched something happen to him. He became increasingly unsettled and distant. I didn’t understand it, but I knew it had something to do with sex.
His discontent was especially evident when I joined the church in which I formed the friendships that became a major part of my escape from sexual sin.[38] I tried to get him to attend with me, but he isolated himself. He didn’t seem to trust anyone, especially Christian leaders.
During my last semester in college, he moved to a large city and adopted a homosexual lifestyle. At first I thought it was just a phase, but eventually I realized the hold that this sin had on him. I was heartbroken. Not only had he turned his back on the truth of God, but he had also done it in a major city at a time when the AIDS epidemic was silently spreading among gay men. I have not heard from him in over twenty-five years. I still pray that he is well and has come back to Jesus.
I wrote this song to mourn for him.
1. My friend the memories of you were shining,
But now it seems they have clouded with a rust.
Don’t let men deceive you; your gay friends can only leave you
Dying in the desert of the glory turned to dust.
Chorus:
I’ve seen glory turn to deserts of dust,
Shifting sands of false trust,
In His true ways we must walk to be free.
Lord please use me to destroy Satan’s story.
Till we see it no more please,
Turn the dust into glory through me
My precious Lord.
2. I thought that we could still do our own thing,
But now I see my naïve and foolish trust.
Let’s press on to be sure that we will not live to see our
Shattered lives lie scattered in the glory turned to dust. (Chorus)
It grieves me to think about friends who have fallen. I recently heard about one who was sent to jail for receiving illegal pornography from an undercover officer of the law. The lure of pornography on the internet pulled him into deep sin, and in desperation he reached the point where he began to risk being caught by the authorities. He even prayed that he would get caught. Prison helped him to change directions.
People who backslide into sin aren’t hanging onto the small steps God has given them. When He sends them a log, they let it float by and wait for a boat. They aren’t holding onto the degree that they have already attained. Paul knew many who had done this, and it brought him to weeping (Philippians 3:18).
I am glad I memorized Philippians 3 when I was a teenager. Its truths helped me when I didn’t want to accept the grace God was giving me. I knew that if I didn’t take hold of what He was offering, I could destroy my family, my health, and eventually my soul. Philippians 3 told me that knowing Him is life’s greatest treasure, and working with everything He gave me was part of my journey into experiencing our life together.
In recent years, I have met many Christians my age who have spent decades in bondage to addictive sins. I am grateful that I was spared from a similar fate.
Part of the reason for this is that when I was a teenager, I heard Bible teachings that emphasized the importance of knowing Jesus. The preachers pointed out that this was not the same as learning doctrine about Him. It wasn’t enough to collect facts from the Scriptures; we needed to grow in a spiritual union with their author. Principles are a part of that, but we also need intimacy.
They preached on verses like the following.
…having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone.
The most important piece of our foundation, the cornerstone, is Jesus Christ Himself. It isn’t information about Him. It isn’t church activities. It isn’t any part of what He does in the earth. It is His Person – Himself.
He should be so central to all that we do that He has first place in everything.
He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the first-born from the dead; so that He Himself might come to have first place in everything. (emphasis added)
(Colossians 1:18, NAS)
This teaching grabbed my heart. What else made sense but to devote my entire life to getting to know Jesus? I had already rearranged my activities to make sure I had time for Him. Now I refocused my efforts to concentrate on developing a relationship with Him. I sought to experience the Living Christ.
My pursuit eventually affected my whole approach to life, including the way I presented myself to others. Looking like a good Christian didn’t seem to have much value. How could I settle for that when my goal was to have Jesus live through me? The thought of being “fake” seemed so empty that I decided to become transparent.
This especially showed when it became clear that my sexual life was out of control. I confessed my sinful activities and twisted thoughts to His people,[39] who prayed for me and shared His love. It didn’t seem like a huge sacrifice to give up my reputation,[40] because it had little value when compared to knowing Jesus.
For most of my life, I haven’t thought of myself as being in recovery. To be honest, until I was about thirty-five years old, I didn’t realize that I was struggling with addiction. It took even longer to understand what that meant. My focus was on pursuing Jesus, and He became my recovery. Though I didn’t understand dependency, He changed me by slowly revealing Himself to me.
Knowing Him – that’s what made the pain and difficulty worthwhile. He was the ingredient that transformed the battle into something beautiful. He is the treasure worth the price of freedom. Knowing Him is freedom.
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