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Exchanged Glory II: The OK Stronghold
If I wanted to win a street fight, I had to be willing to suffer. I knew that at any minute, some seemingly unfair demon or emotion could sneak up and hit me over the head with a brick.
It has been over eighteen years since I first recognized the OK Stronghold. Writing about it has been nostalgic and fun. I was never the same after it helped me to leave the tightrope over hell.[41] I found the self-control I needed to make faster progress and was able to follow Jesus in many situations where I had previously failed.
Unfortunately in spite of God’s grace on me, I had very little wisdom about how to handle my emotions and the demonic forces that were affecting them. Breaking the OK Stronghold exposed a world of inner pain, and my only way to handle that was to “gut it out.”
I overwhelmed my feelings with knowledge, logic, and will power. I impatiently abused them as I dealt harshly with myself in my attempts to obey Jesus. Rather than helping my emotions to mature, I beat them back with an ever growing wall of God given intellectual strength. They retreated into grumbling submission.
In Exchanged Glory: A Vision of Freedom, I mentioned that I tended to turn every good feeling into a kind of drug to escape from reality.[42] I was eager to break that habit, and during the next twelve years I had plenty of opportunities. My Parent and Child resisted truth. My Adult overrode them.
I was still suffering from the kinds of emotional difficulties that often show up in those who haven’t had good relationships with their fathers. The OK Busters helped me a great deal, but in a world of great temptation, I had a hard time understanding how a wise and loving God could require the suffering that obedience brought.
I could see Him as the God of truth (OK Buster 1), but it was hard to perceive the Father who cared enough to tell me what I needed to hear rather than what I wanted. I knew He was my Judge who forgave me because of Christ’s blood (OK Buster 2), but I had trouble feeling that He was the Father who delighted in me. He was my Master who freed me from human opinion (OK Buster 3), but He didn’t seem like the Father who wanted me to be a part of His work. Though I was growing to know Jesus (OK Buster 4), I wasn’t yet sure how to rest in His love.
My emotions didn’t want to cooperate. It wasn’t that I ignored them. I am a musician who has always been very much in touch with them, and I tried to lead them into truth. But I didn’t have the necessary wisdom. I wasn’t mature enough to discern good and evil in a way that enabled me to consistently do well in that area (Hebrews 5:14).
Over time, my emotions grew worse rather than better. They fought against every discipline. They tempted me toward sexual sin and anger. They threatened to destroy my relationship with Jesus, my family, my job, my ministry – my life. Eventually, it seemed best to force them into a cage.
I let them out when they were helpful, but since they responded to discipline like a rebellious teenager, becoming more obstinate and irate with each new requirement, I decided to lock them up more and more.
Twelve years after learning about the OK Stronghold, I could barely hang on, and the circumstances of my life forced me to dismantle the cage. By that time, however, I was a different person. I had spent over a decade soaking in the waterfall of God’s wisdom and had abilities I could only have dreamed about twelve years earlier. By God’s grace, I was able to handle the demanding instability of my emotions, to work with them, and to watch them mature into a major part of my life.
I also found the spiritual power to deal with the demonic attacks that had marched into my unprotected spirit. I had been like a city without walls (Proverbs 25:28). Breaking the OK Stronghold helped me to become a spiritual mason, a brick layer who could slowly rebuild what had been torn down. In time, I was able to repel spiritual assaults before they had a chance to find a foothold.
But all of that is a story that will have to wait for books three, four, and five of this series.
Getting back to the current stage of my journey, in the face of my growing inner animosity, I adopted a new saying to keep me going. I would tell myself, “Life is a street fight.” If I wanted to win a street fight, I had to be willing to suffer. I knew that at any minute, some seemingly unfair demon or emotion could sneak up and hit me over the head with a brick. The key was to be tougher than the bricks. If I could by God’s grace outlast the turmoil, I would win. At least for the time being, Holy Spirit inspired reason and will power would carry me toward the prize.
There were many rewards to this approach. I had great experiences in getting to know Jesus, His word, and His world. I also had a wonderful wife and family who brought me times of immense joy. Though I had to deny much of what my Child wanted, I had a lot of fun with my own children. Along with this, I was able to work and to teach the Bible.
All of this made the street fight worthwhile. Although it wasn’t the best way to live, it was the best I could do at the time. It kept me moving upward to the next stage in God’s plan for my freedom.
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